Creating Genuine Connection

Even if we feel that in order to connect deeply and profoundly with others around us, and to build meaningful human connections, we must devote a large amount of time and energy to our relationships. Our social-cultural problems, such as extreme political polarization, high divorce rates, intolerance of dissent, a lack of trust, escalating mental health problems, and a loss of social connection, will persist unless we practice mindful communication and the ability to handle difficult conversations.

1. Don't entrust your sense of well-being and happiness to your mate. Despite the numerous films, novels, and publications preaching that falling in love is the path to true happiness, no relationship can bear the weight of being your exclusive source of happiness. This is codependency, not love – a reliance on someone for your sense of identity that causes you to lose sight of who you are and become manipulative in order to achieve your demands. Instead, the more you develop your own goals, interests, and joys, the more of yourself you will have to offer.
2. Expect and accept obstacles rather than avoiding them. Allowing another individual to come near enough to view both your talents and shortcomings will surely result in defensiveness and confrontation. While you may have been taught that this is 'bad' or should be avoided, the fact is that it is a fantastic chance to learn more about yourself and how to converse.
3. Spend more time with each other in the present now. It's not about spending time in the same place or doing the same thing, such as zoning out in front of another movie, when it comes to genuine connection. It is about the time you spend discussing your true ideas, feelings, and dreams. And true connection can only be made in the present time. This entails concentrating on your partner as they are right now rather than what they did in the past or what you anticipate will happen in the future.
4. Set boundaries. It can be exhilarating and intense to be your true self in front of another person and allow closeness to develop. Using your excitement to indicate that you don't pay careful attention to what actually works for you and don't set boundaries when things don't work out is a sure way to end up in an inauthentic, codependent relationship.
5. Accept responsibility for what you've done. Genuine partnerships cannot be formed when we blame the other for our own actions or emotions. Real connection includes apologizing when appropriate, in addition to accepting your obligations. But only when you're ready - faking an apology simply to get it over with isn't honest at all. Work through your emotions, acknowledge your involvement in the incident, and then offer a meaningful apology when you're ready.
6.  Value your connection for what it gives you rather than what it deprives you of. If you're in a relationship because you're terrified of being alone, because you feel you should settle, or because it allows you to live the lifestyle you want, you're not enjoying the relationship for what it gives you. A genuine relationship embraces the opportunity to grow and learn while still appreciating each other.